Here is part of the column.......
Resolutions, as you already know, can be a bitch. It's the same old story: If and when we fail to keep them, guilt and regret can settle over the soul like a malicious, gray fog. Or, if you're a happy pragmatist, you perhaps detest them for their irrationality. "Hey," (you grumble), "if I want to change something in my life, I don't need some damn special day on the calendar. I just do it, no childish resolution necessary." Yes, you are a barrel of whimsy and fun.
Whatever. Me, I like making resolutions. Atypical ones, anyway. I like the ritual of it, the ceremonial aspect, the sense of pause and reflection. There is tremendous power in the collective sense of seasonal shift, of a world moving from the winter solstice, from what has decayed and fallen away toward making room for the fresh and the fertile. It also helps if you're a little drunk.
With that in mind, I hereby offer up my personal top 25 resolutions for 2009, in no particular order. See how well they resonate with yours, assuming you have any. If you don't, feel free to take some of mine, rearrange and modify at will. This is the wonderful thing about resolutions -- there are plenty to go around. There is an infinite supply. I can always make more. For some reason, I usually do.
1. Less browsing, more books
2. Remember that astonishing thing I totally forgot to tell you that one time
3. Try the macro setting
4. More yes, less no
5. Fuller comprehension of string theory, singularity, noosphere, vermouth
6. Fight the power
7. Empower the fight
8. Organize sock drawer in armoire of fears
9. Stop and smell the roses
10. Stop and smell the roses, and then lean in a little closer and actually lick one to see if it tastes like God or sex or marshmallow or merely pesticide and dirt
11. Realize I do not have to stop and smell the roses all the time because goddammit I have a metaphorical rose right there under my karmic nose at all times, and I merely need to acknowledge it and appreciate it now and then and maybe get a nice little bud vase to put it in. And hell, maybe I don't even like roses, and that's perfectly OK, roses are totally overrated and overexposed anyway, right? Like vitamin water? Like Scarlett Johannsen? Like that guy from Maroon 5? Now orchids. There's a flower for you. I mean, a good orchid makes your average rose look like a toothless hag at the prom, you know? Basically like comparing fine rum to a bottle of Two-Buck Chuck, am I right? No contest, really. Yes, gimme a suggestive, dangerous orchid any day over a pitiable, lumpy rose. But hang on -- can you really stop and smell the orchids? Do they even have much of a scent? Besides, orchids are pretty sexual, yonic, pornographic, even. Sort've makes you want to do more to them than merely smell them, you know what I mean? Wait, would they arrest you for that sort of thing? I bet they would. Bastards. Then again, as catchphrases go, I suppose "stop and hump the orchids" has a pretty lousy ring to it. Hideous bumper sticker, too. OK, so roses it is. They are sort've nice, to be honest. Beautiful, even. Sorry about what I said before. I was just being a shmuck. Hell, who doesn't love a nice bouquet of roses? No one, that's who.
12. Buck the trend
13. Eat the sky
14. F--k the Man
15. Really, really well
16. Imbibe the vibration
17. Seek the nothing
18. Carefully place a mint under the sleeping dragon's tongue
19. Understand subtler differences between enlightenment, consciousness, masturbation, scorpion pose and a superlative New Yorker article
20. Converse with gods
21. Flirt with trees
22. Touch toes. But not with hands
23. Succor sidelong langorous myths, askew and askance and awry
24. Write more while slightly drunk (see previous)
25. God is in the details. Don't sweat the details. Reconcile.