First you have a wonderful time with friends, then suddenly someone turns on you.
It is jarring to see how quickly someone can turn on you. In the morning it is all fine then at lunch time you are the scum of the earth.
I have had insecurities over the years on whether this person actually liked me or if I was just there, another body in the group of friends. Recently we have gotten close and I truly believed that there was a bond there, that we were really good friends. Now I see that that was just a lie.
I am devastated by that.
When the sh** went down, my main concern was her. How dare someone hurt my friend again and use me and lie about me to do it.
But now, I am still angry at the other person who hurt my friend but now it is sinking into me that if my friend could quickly believe this other person more than me then obviously I was never a friend.
Have these years been a lie? Were the smiles fake? Were the happy to see you's sincere? I am completely doubting it right now.
The reluctance to be there for a house blessing at my new place has new meaning now.
The sad thing is that I can still feel the joy and fun that was the time spent getting our hair done and gossiping with our friend and hairdresser. There is still memory of that. But it is surrounded by the hurt of it being ripped away in an instant. My wounds are deep.
She wants to meet on Thursday to "clear things up" obviously she still does not believe anything I have said. And if during the meeting she comes to the realization that I never did the things that she is thinking I did. It will take a long time for me to heal. The doubts of the friendship are now the serpent. We will both have to face it. Whether she wants to work with me on that or not who knows.
All I know is that I will be licking these wounds for a while.